all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I believe in your delicious
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
