Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
