omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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