Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
