I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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