I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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