you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
