i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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