I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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