It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
