I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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