let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
