Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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