I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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