Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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