A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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