Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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