how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
