you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
