I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
