He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
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After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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