those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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