you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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