some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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