I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
