if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
