Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
