Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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