turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
