the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
