my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
