There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
