Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
