she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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