Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
