i think my tv is drunk
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
