I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
