I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
