A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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