Already got asked if we're dating
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so explain again why im purple
no
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
