I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
