is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
