He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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