I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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