you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize