we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
