I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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