I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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