so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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