Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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