If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
