Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
