the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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