ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
