I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
