I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
