I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
