You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How does one acquire holy water?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
