When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
