legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
