I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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