I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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