No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have fence marks all over my body
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
