I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
