Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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