Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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