Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Did you pee in the oven last night??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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