Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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