a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
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Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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