you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
