Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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