Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
