And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
