I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
