So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
