Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
