Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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