I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
