I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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