I'm sorry my penis didn't work
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
