i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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