I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
