I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
nutella sex= disaster
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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