dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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