I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I deserve this hangover.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
