Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
