I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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