I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Come on in and take your pants off
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