Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
