On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
