Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
