found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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