Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
