hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She bit a glass in half.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
