I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
