i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i think im in europe. pls send help
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
